Meet the Contestants – Bupkiss Beaver

Only 10 days to the 5th Annual Beaver Queen Pageant.

That means it’s time to meet another contestant. Y’all show Bupkiss Beaver some hospitality, now:

It was a hot summer day in NYC. So hot, all I could do was go into my icebox and this hot furry beaver fell asleep. Ummm, it was so cool, as if I was swimming in a glacial stream. Aaahh. Alaska…This is the life! Look, I can see Russia from my dam! I better be careful; there’s that schlemazel governor who thinks she can be president. Oy Vey!

So this busy beaver started exploring.

I came upon a great erection, a totem to the mother beaver,

lovingly carved by many large front teeth.

A voice spoke to me. Feh, this was no dream, but a call from the great creator of wetlands herself!

Bupkiss, listen to me. Until now, your life has been bupkiss; now you have a mission. You are my chosen beaver. You must deliver my message, and liberate Ellerbe Creek’s beavers. That creek is a mess, a real shanda! No furry beaver could live with all that shmutz. The ECWA will clean up the creek, but they need the gelt. You must go to the pageant and throw a rent party for the Ellerbe Creek. Bring this package, this stimulus package, and stimulate the beavers! Bring my power to Durham. May wetlands spread over all beavers, for a wet beaver is a happy beaver.

Nu? So here I come, direct from New York, 1939, with the mother beaver’s schtick.

Looks like quite a schtick, too.

There are plenty of things to do between now and June 6th to get ready for the pageant. Beaver tail art is still on display at the Scrap Exchange, and this Saturday, the 30th, there will be an evening of comedy and cabaret, Sing One For The Beavers, at the Exchange, 548 Foster Street, at 7pm. It’s a fundraiser for Ellerbe Creek Watershed Association, so bring ten bucks if you want to catch Beaver Streisand in her only Durham appearance.

Speaking of ECWA, they’re partnering with Deep Durham Beautiful and the Scrap Exchange to do some cleanup around the beaver pond (ECWA’s newest acquisition) behind Compare Foods on Saturday afternoon. You know you want to help. Please contact Ann Woodward at The Scrap Exchange, 682-2751, email, or RSVP through Keep Durham Beautiful to let them know how many pairs of gloves they’ll need.

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