Archive for May, 2009

Meet the Contestants – Beaverella

Friday, May 29th, 2009

With a mere eight days to go, it’s time to meet our penultimate challenger for the crown, Beaverella.

Let me take you by the tail into the future: In a universe of “Peace, Love, and Beaver,” where there is no war and therefore no weapons, I am the instrument of all: Peace, Love, and Beaver.

But there are some who would threaten this harmonious world, where the rhythms of time are as sweet and bubbly as the billowing pillowing waves of a lava lamp. When those threatening Dangerous Overlord Types (DOT) arise, I lie back to take them. Wherever danger is brewing, I am there. Wherever weapons of war are massing, I stick a flower in them. Oh yes, you bet your sweet bippy I do. No one will EVER pave paradise and put up a parking lot, for my innocence and love are more powerful than any machine or mal intent of man.

BQP MC Anita Whacker interviewed at 30 threads

Thursday, May 28th, 2009

Watch it here.

Meet the Contestants – Dirty Beaver

Thursday, May 28th, 2009

I’m not sure how up close and personal we want to get with our next contestant.

Dirty Beaver is a rescuee from the depths of Love Canal in upstate NY. Found dripping in toxic waste, she was transported here via beaver rescue barge to seek a new life as a freer, cleaner beaver. Upon arrival at Duke Park, Dirty Beaver set out to find a beaver cleaning facility . . . however due to the scarcity of drive-thru beaver washes equipped withself-scrubbers, she was forced to go to Ingles and load up on Beaver Goo
Gone and handiwipes . . . but nothing has worked out.

No one asks a dirty beaver to a dam building party that’s for sure, and she has been single for some time; I mean that B.O. (you know . . . Beaver Odor?) can be a real turnoff in a social life. Dirty Beaver is still seeking a beaver cleaning crew!
If interested, call 1-800-KleenBeev.

Dirty Beaver believes that no beaver is an island… as sometimes, it
takes a village to clean a beaver.

So far, we’ve met Durga Beaver, HRM Elizabeaver I, Bupkiss Beaver, and now Dirty Beaver.

Who else is competing?

Check back tomorrow and all next week to meet the rest of our contestants and celebrity judges, as well as our MCs and entertainers, and learn how you can cast your ballot for the People’s Choice award.

Meet the Contestants – Bupkiss Beaver

Wednesday, May 27th, 2009

Only 10 days to the 5th Annual Beaver Queen Pageant.

That means it’s time to meet another contestant. Y’all show Bupkiss Beaver some hospitality, now:

It was a hot summer day in NYC. So hot, all I could do was go into my icebox and this hot furry beaver fell asleep. Ummm, it was so cool, as if I was swimming in a glacial stream. Aaahh. Alaska…This is the life! Look, I can see Russia from my dam! I better be careful; there’s that schlemazel governor who thinks she can be president. Oy Vey!

So this busy beaver started exploring.

I came upon a great erection, a totem to the mother beaver,

lovingly carved by many large front teeth.

A voice spoke to me. Feh, this was no dream, but a call from the great creator of wetlands herself!

Bupkiss, listen to me. Until now, your life has been bupkiss; now you have a mission. You are my chosen beaver. You must deliver my message, and liberate Ellerbe Creek’s beavers. That creek is a mess, a real shanda! No furry beaver could live with all that shmutz. The ECWA will clean up the creek, but they need the gelt. You must go to the pageant and throw a rent party for the Ellerbe Creek. Bring this package, this stimulus package, and stimulate the beavers! Bring my power to Durham. May wetlands spread over all beavers, for a wet beaver is a happy beaver.

Nu? So here I come, direct from New York, 1939, with the mother beaver’s schtick.

Looks like quite a schtick, too.

There are plenty of things to do between now and June 6th to get ready for the pageant. Beaver tail art is still on display at the Scrap Exchange, and this Saturday, the 30th, there will be an evening of comedy and cabaret, Sing One For The Beavers, at the Exchange, 548 Foster Street, at 7pm. It’s a fundraiser for Ellerbe Creek Watershed Association, so bring ten bucks if you want to catch Beaver Streisand in her only Durham appearance.

Speaking of ECWA, they’re partnering with Deep Durham Beautiful and the Scrap Exchange to do some cleanup around the beaver pond (ECWA’s newest acquisition) behind Compare Foods on Saturday afternoon. You know you want to help. Please contact Ann Woodward at The Scrap Exchange, 682-2751, email ann@scrapexchange.org, or RSVP through Keep Durham Beautiful to let them know how many pairs of gloves they’ll need.