Here’s the rundown on the 6 Beavers who will be vying for the coveted Beaver Queen crown this afternoon:
Beave Whisperer – a world-renowned beaver behavior specialist, known for his uncanny ability to wrangle large lodges of beavers.
Beaverella – In a universe of “Peace, Love, and Beaver,” where there is no war and therefore no weapons, I am the instrument of all: Peace, Love, and Beaver.
Bupkiss Beaver – “You are my chosen beaver. You must deliver my message, and liberate Ellerbe Creek’s beavers.”
Dirty Beaver – believes that no beaver is an island… as sometimes, it takes a village to clean a beaver.
Durga Beaver – The gods realized that all of their pitiful erections were doomed to fail without the guidance and support of the beaver. So they put their heads together again and prayed for the Queen Beaver to manifest and bless them. Their humility, intention and fervent prayer for help woke the goddess Durga from her thousand year slumber and she donned her beaver tail and descended to the dam demon infested world once again to defeat the evil forces and return the whole dam world to peace and harmony.
HRM Elizabeaver – succeeded to the throne upon the death of her sister, Queen “Bloody Beaver” Mary, and has created through her reign a time of great peace, love, and flourishing beavers. HRM Elizabeaver has come across the pond to compete in the Beaver Queen Pageant in order to continue her protection of wetlands and the promotion of the glory of beavers.
This is proof that Durham sucks! You people are so bored that you turn the doings of one beaver into your social life. How sad is that?
Maybe if some of you got out of this shit hole of a city once in a while you would realize how much it actually sucks. The downtown is a ghost town with the exception of a few vagrants despite supposed revitalization. The ghetto areas are just getting shifted around in the name of urban improvement and crime is on the rise. All while you all rally around a stupid beaver an a tiny little creek.
The neighborhood would be much better off if Ellerbe Creek had been left alone. At night the unlit path that was built next to the creek becomes a convenient underground railroad for sketchy vagrants and thieves who rob our homes and garages.
Get a life.