Archive for May, 2014

Announcing the 2014 Board of Corruption!

Wednesday, May 21st, 2014


Stuff the box.  Buy a judge.  Get VIB treatment.

Stuff the box. Buy a judge. Get VIB treatment.


Muffley Merkin

muffley merkin


Muffley Merkin is brought to us by Vaguely Reminiscent, she  is native to Durham and has been lodging on Markham since she was a beaver baby.  You may remember her from such pageants as Beaver Queen 2006 or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Beaver.  Otherwise, you’ve probably seen Muffley working at her dam jobs such as Sam’s Quik Stream and Whole Canals.  However, Miss Merkin’s true passion is making and wearing wigs.  After a nasty bout of beaver bugs Muffley was forced to shave off her fur.  Bald and embarrassed, Muffley collected her fallen follicles into a pile and immediately began beavering away at creating a wig.  The first wig wasn’t great but Muffley wore it with pride and eventually other beavers wanted a piece of her fur pie.  All types of beavers requested wigs from Muffley- bald, bushy, bristly, and even busy beavers that just didn’t have time to primp their pelts.  Muffley accepted all requests and was never known to leave a beaver blue.  One day, Muffley was contacted by the big-wigs in New York City; they wanted her as a partner!  Only, Muffley knew those boy’s businesses were dirty and told them that she would never be an urban beaver.  Since then, Muffley has opened a shop in the Beaver Pond called Wiggly Beavers.  She hopes you’ll stop by and pick up something special for your furry friend.


Transformer Beaverbot



Transformer Beaverbot is brought to us by Altered Image. I am from a planet much like earth far far away, On my home planet beavers were shaved and persecuted. Progress destroying habitats and encroaching on the simple peaceful lives of these wonderful animals. Decades ago I was created to redirect  progress and protect our FABULOUS beaver populations along with all their little forest friends. It wasn’t an easy job but with community help we were able to fix our challenges and protect all of them. Once our planet was taken are of, we set out to help other planets do the same. Our sensor showed us that you needed our help here on earth . I have been sent here to asses the safety of your Beaver care. And believe me I’m a great judge of Beaver care.


Bob van Dam the Boxing Beaver


Bob van Dam is brought to you by Social Games &  Brews.  Born out off a boxing beaver family, Bob is a former wwf (world wildlife foundation) world champion. Now retired , Bob is busy building dams and fortifying water sheds. It is rumored Bob was forced out of boxing for throwing matches and taking bribes (beer and cash accepted).


Rock Woodsman, Interesting Man




Do you hear that sound?


Yes: It’s glamour.


Meet Rock Woodsman, Interesting Man, brought to you by Mystery Brewing

Many have called Rock Woodsman a man of mystery, but from his humble beginnings it’s been clear that there’s nothing mysterious about this world-renowned international playboy.   Even as a boy in the remote forests of the Canadian wilderness he realized that he was, as they say, a big beaver in a small pond.  Before reaching even the tender age of 2 he had already burst the dam of his meager beginnings and unleashed his fantasticality upon the world.  Early roles as Spuds McKenzie and Mike Ditka earned him his fortune and soon he began traveling the world doing…. interesting things.

As a rollerblade aficionado and inline wheel alignment expert, Rock Woodsman singlehandedly created and crashed the rollerblade industry.  Rock Woodsman once filmed America’s funniest home video, but Bob Saget did not allow it to air to maintain safety standards.  Rock Woodsman has his own Care Bear Stare.  Rock Woodsman once asked Regis Philben, “Who wants to be a millionaire?”  When Philben offered a name that person became a millionaire that very hour.   For 10 years, Rock Woodsman wore a different Swatch every single day.  Rock Woodsman has caught every Pokemon.  The character of Al Calavicci on Quantum Leap was based on Rock Woodsman.  Rock Woodsman knows where the beef is. Rock Woodsman has enjoyed cocktails atop the world’s tallest building, and saké in the red-light districts of Tokyo.  He has entertained diplomats and dignitaries.  He has clinked a glass with paupers and presidents.

Recently, Rock Woodsman’s image has been procured as a marketing tool for the North Carolina craft beer industry.  Now, Rock Woodsman can be found drinking interesting things locally, often for charity, where others can bask in his splendiferous mystique.  He normally keeps his tail slapping just up the creek from the Ellerbe, but enjoys every dirty minute he spends in Durham.




Beav-yonce is brought to us by American Tobacco.

For all those single beavers, beavs crazy in love and anyone feeling
beav-alicious comes the one, the only Beav-yonce! Calling one of Durham’s
biggest stages her home dam at American Tobacco Campus, Beav-yonce puts on
shows all year round that can’t be missed. If you’ve ever shaken your big
flat tail at Music on the Lawn, Art of Cool or Center Stage, you have
Beav-yonce to thank!

May The Furs Be With You

Tuesday, May 6th, 2014



Meet the 2014 Contestants

Monday, May 5th, 2014

Beav Aldrin, Space Pioneer

beav aldren

The son of Marsh-A Moon and Ediferous Estuary Aldrin, Beav Aldrin was destined to become a space pioneer. After flying fighter jets for the Air Force, Beav entered the Massa-chew-setts Institute of technology (and dam design . . .), getting his Doctorate of Astrobeavonics. His thesis on Manned Orbital Rendezvous would forever earn him the name, “Dr. Rendezvous.”
After being accepting into the Astrobeaver program for the National Aerobeavonics and Swamp Administration program, Beav devised docking and rendezvous techniques that made the Gemini and Apollo space missions possible and are still used today. He also used his experience in the pond to pioneer underwater training for zero gravity space walks, again proving how important clean wetlands are for all walks of life, including space walks.
In 1966, Beav Aldrin beat Russian Cosmobeaver Twiggy Gagarin to perform the world’s first successful space walk. In 1969, Beav joined his fellow Astrobeaver, Gnaw Armstrong, to become the first beavers ever to walk on the surface of the moon. Since his retirement from NASA, Beav has continued to advocate for space exploration and clean water through books and appearances at events like the Beaver Queen Pageant.

Vote Fur Beav Aldrin

Beaverina Ballerina


The Beaverina is the daughter of Rudolf and Margot Beaver. Very early on

she showed signs of grace and poise, and loved to dance. She started dancing

at the Miss Fur’s School of Dance, and showed her compassion, and talent, early

on. She was discovered as she performed as one of the ?owers in “The Wood


From that point, she attended the prestigious Beaver Dam of the Performing

Arts, where she perfected her dancing skills.

She then joined the Beaver Ballet Theatre, in Beaver York, where she

quickly jumped up to Prima Beaverina.

Today, she will dance her classic piece, “The Dying Beaver” in that famous

Ballet, “Carnival of the Animals” composed by Carmen Saint-Beaver.

Vote Fur Beaverina Ballerina

Lieutenant Furhura


Ellerbee Creek, the final frontier.  These are the voyages of the colony Enterprise.  Its 5 year mission: to explore strange new wetlands, to seek out new trees and new shrubbery, to boldly go where no beaver has gone before.

If there was ever a beaver that gave a dam, it was Lieutenant Gnawyota Furhura.  The power behind the Command tail, this Communications expert can confront greedy Ferengulo, aggressive Mustela klingonensis, and keep up with the Cardassians. Her clever tongue can determine species of aspen or water lilly, or chide angry Canis romulus, in all 3 dialects.Intelligent, beautiful, graceful and powerful, Furhura swims near the center, getting A Piece of the Action, and observing everything.  She is responsible for knowing everything that’s going on all over the watershed.  She would know who’s speaking to who, what marshes anybody frequents, and what the hot topics of the day are, therefore she’s probably up on all the gossip too. With her perfectly manicured paw resting lightly right on the hot pulse-point of the colony’s moods, she could communicate instantly to Jim T. Castor with a tail slap or a look what the rest of his family was feeling.  Castor sometimes has to make territory decisions really fast, so it’s up to Furhura to keep track of the kits and yearlings.  She gets along beautifully with everyone. Furhura is more than the Communication specialist, she can also pilot the watershed.  She isn’t always left behind to repair the dam, she also rebuffs territorial neighbors, and can climb the lodge to make repairs, no matter how many lodge lurches there are.

Vote Fur Lt. Furhura

Miss Honey Bee-Vherr


honey bee vherr

Miss Honey Bee-Vherr buzzes in from Cedar Grove where she is a passionate advocate for her ecosystem. She is a lover of flowers of all types and spends her days digging deep in the mud to achieve her vision of Bee-topia. She spends her spare time in the comfort of her home hive surrounded by her retinue and being admired on the wing by errant drones. She loves sharing her honey and her special knowledge of plants and their pollinators with her larger community. At night she likes to shimmy out of her hive, dress up, and find her sass as she she shakes her statuesque beavertail with The Bottom Line Burlesque Troop. Her goal is “A Beaver in Every Bush or A Buzz in every Bloom.”

Vote Fur Honey Bee-Vherr

 Mrs. Clairee’  Chandler Chappell



1986’s Miss Duke Park American World.


I was a proud Duke Park resident from 1963 to 1993. As a young girl I walked the streets of Duke Park with much civic pride. It is a beautiful neighborhood with much to offer the people who live there.

I have held many beauty titles over the years. I was Miss Durham Fire Prevention in 1977 & Miss Durham County Fair 1978. I was first runner up in the Durham Junior Miss Pageant & voted Miss Northgate Mall 1980.  I also was first runner up in the Miss North Carolina World Pageant & was voted Miss Summer Fun 1982.

I was awarded the title of Miss Power Company World 1983 & Miss Public Service Natural Gas Company 1985.

As a civic leader I have served the Durham community in many areas. I served as a member of the Durham Jaycees from 1985 to 1998 and won the title of Miss Jaycee World in 1991. I was a member of the Friendly North State Sertoma Club from 1997 to 2002 & served as their chapter President in 2001 & as their Chairman of the Board in 2002. I have also worked with the Durham Art’s Council, Durham Chamber of Commerce & Triangle United Way. I am former Durham Orange County Junior League member & former 1992 chairman of the Junior League bargain sale.

My husband & I are members of Watts Street Baptist Church & I serve on several committees there as well.  We reside in the Hope Valley neighborhood where I serve as secretary of the Hope Valley Neighborhood Board of Directors.


In closing I would like to say it would be a joy to win the crown in the Duke Park Beaver Pageant !

Vote Fur Mrs. Clairee’



Shave the Date for BQPX! June 7th -Duke Park

Friday, May 2nd, 2014