Announcing the 2014 Board of Corruption!

 

Stuff the box.  Buy a judge.  Get VIB treatment.

Stuff the box. Buy a judge. Get VIB treatment.

 

Muffley Merkin

muffley merkin

 

Muffley Merkin is brought to us by Vaguely Reminiscent, she  is native to Durham and has been lodging on Markham since she was a beaver baby.  You may remember her from such pageants as Beaver Queen 2006 or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Beaver.  Otherwise, you’ve probably seen Muffley working at her dam jobs such as Sam’s Quik Stream and Whole Canals.  However, Miss Merkin’s true passion is making and wearing wigs.  After a nasty bout of beaver bugs Muffley was forced to shave off her fur.  Bald and embarrassed, Muffley collected her fallen follicles into a pile and immediately began beavering away at creating a wig.  The first wig wasn’t great but Muffley wore it with pride and eventually other beavers wanted a piece of her fur pie.  All types of beavers requested wigs from Muffley- bald, bushy, bristly, and even busy beavers that just didn’t have time to primp their pelts.  Muffley accepted all requests and was never known to leave a beaver blue.  One day, Muffley was contacted by the big-wigs in New York City; they wanted her as a partner!  Only, Muffley knew those boy’s businesses were dirty and told them that she would never be an urban beaver.  Since then, Muffley has opened a shop in the Beaver Pond called Wiggly Beavers.  She hopes you’ll stop by and pick up something special for your furry friend.

 

Transformer Beaverbot

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Transformer Beaverbot is brought to us by Altered Image. I am from a planet much like earth far far away, On my home planet beavers were shaved and persecuted. Progress destroying habitats and encroaching on the simple peaceful lives of these wonderful animals. Decades ago I was created to redirect  progress and protect our FABULOUS beaver populations along with all their little forest friends. It wasn’t an easy job but with community help we were able to fix our challenges and protect all of them. Once our planet was taken are of, we set out to help other planets do the same. Our sensor showed us that you needed our help here on earth . I have been sent here to asses the safety of your Beaver care. And believe me I’m a great judge of Beaver care.

 

Bob van Dam the Boxing Beaver

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Bob van Dam is brought to you by Social Games &  Brews.  Born out off a boxing beaver family, Bob is a former wwf (world wildlife foundation) world champion. Now retired , Bob is busy building dams and fortifying water sheds. It is rumored Bob was forced out of boxing for throwing matches and taking bribes (beer and cash accepted).

 

Rock Woodsman, Interesting Man

 

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Do you hear that sound?

 

Yes: It’s glamour.

 

Meet Rock Woodsman, Interesting Man, brought to you by Mystery Brewing

Many have called Rock Woodsman a man of mystery, but from his humble beginnings it’s been clear that there’s nothing mysterious about this world-renowned international playboy.   Even as a boy in the remote forests of the Canadian wilderness he realized that he was, as they say, a big beaver in a small pond.  Before reaching even the tender age of 2 he had already burst the dam of his meager beginnings and unleashed his fantasticality upon the world.  Early roles as Spuds McKenzie and Mike Ditka earned him his fortune and soon he began traveling the world doing…. interesting things.

As a rollerblade aficionado and inline wheel alignment expert, Rock Woodsman singlehandedly created and crashed the rollerblade industry.  Rock Woodsman once filmed America’s funniest home video, but Bob Saget did not allow it to air to maintain safety standards.  Rock Woodsman has his own Care Bear Stare.  Rock Woodsman once asked Regis Philben, “Who wants to be a millionaire?”  When Philben offered a name that person became a millionaire that very hour.   For 10 years, Rock Woodsman wore a different Swatch every single day.  Rock Woodsman has caught every Pokemon.  The character of Al Calavicci on Quantum Leap was based on Rock Woodsman.  Rock Woodsman knows where the beef is. Rock Woodsman has enjoyed cocktails atop the world’s tallest building, and saké in the red-light districts of Tokyo.  He has entertained diplomats and dignitaries.  He has clinked a glass with paupers and presidents.

Recently, Rock Woodsman’s image has been procured as a marketing tool for the North Carolina craft beer industry.  Now, Rock Woodsman can be found drinking interesting things locally, often for charity, where others can bask in his splendiferous mystique.  He normally keeps his tail slapping just up the creek from the Ellerbe, but enjoys every dirty minute he spends in Durham.

 

Beav-yonce

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Beav-yonce is brought to us by American Tobacco.

For all those single beavers, beavs crazy in love and anyone feeling
beav-alicious comes the one, the only Beav-yonce! Calling one of Durham’s
biggest stages her home dam at American Tobacco Campus, Beav-yonce puts on
shows all year round that can’t be missed. If you’ve ever shaken your big
flat tail at Music on the Lawn, Art of Cool or Center Stage, you have
Beav-yonce to thank!

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