2016 BQP Judge Bios

Howard Wood (Laundrymen) – The Greatest American Beaverimage00

The Greatest American Beaver [a.k.a. Ethel Furman (2013) and Clean Beaver (2015)] believes in equality and justice for ALL beavers, and believes our nation can one day again be a symbol of love and acceptance.  He will defend the woods and wetlands of Durham County as a safe haven for all wildlife and loves that the beaver community so openly supports all people and animals without judgment.  Look for the Greatest American Beaver in your neighborhood and give him a hug, handshake, or pat on the back!  Don’t be afraid to touch this beaver.  He won’t bite.  Loving American Beaver is the best thing you can do.

 

Miss Genie Tailyah (Vaguely Reminiscent)

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Miss Genie Tailyah was waxing her tail when she got the call from her friend the hotline psychic, Miss Cleo Taurus.  Cleo, in an obviously fake Jamaican accent, tells her “Girl, you are needed at the pageant!” and Genie is all like “What?”  So Cleo reiterates, “You’re not listening to me, in the cards I see ya goin’ to the pageant.”  Genie, although confused by Miss Cleo Taurus and her predictions for the future, agrees to go because the Beaver Queen Pageant is such dam fun.  Genie says “Tail-Yah! I’m going to the pageant! Thanks!” and Cleo responds “The cards have revealed things that you’ll never see yourself, call me now!”  Genie Tailyah hangs up and immediately begins her strict training program as a judge by binge watching RuPaul’s Drag Race.

Cindy Logger

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Life can be cruel and it was for young beaver, Cyndi Logger. Hard as she tried to look and behave like the other beavers of Queen’s Lodge, she just couldn’t do it. She enjoyed wearing her beaver tail perky and brightly colored and would often be heard singing or seen dancing, inciting merriment amongst the other young beavers. Unfortunately, her “colorful” behavior was considered obscene and intolerable to the lodge elders. Beavers work, beavers do not have fun! So while she was still a young beaver, she was kicked out of the lodge and disowned by her family. Cyndi Logger was incredulous, Beavers can’t just work all the time, beavers need to have fun! Cyndi left the lodge and walked cautiously thru the woodland and soon saw a foxy fox singing and dancing his heart out.  Cyndi got out her guitar and began playing and approached the stranger. Foxy fox was instantly aroused when he saw the colorful beaver with her perky tail. Fox looked at his spectacular tail and saw it was standing on end. Amazing, it has taken a beaver to make my tail so full and fluffy. She gave it a quick swat and they began playing together. Yes, it’s fun to be a beaver! She now performs regularly at beaver lodges and never misses the opportunity to sing, When the work’in day’s done, Beavers just wanna have fun!  You’ll find Cyndi Logger around Duke Park woodlands and creeks, willing and ready to take bribes; candy, wine, compliments or whatever to sway her colorful tail your way.

Down-under Beaver (Raleigh Brewing Company)

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Here’s Down-under Beaver for Raleigh Brewing! Down-under’s adventures continue… On walkabout, she traveled all the way down the Ellerbe to Falls Lake, where she met a fab beaver named Marilyn Monbeavroe. They became besties. Marilyn is the only Sheila that could ever drink DU under the table, mates! They really knocked back a few pints in solidarity when judge Rock Woodsman, Man of Mystery, moved on to the next stream and beautiful tail beaver lass. Marilyn Monbeavroe asked Down-under Beaver if she could fill in as judge and represent Raleigh Brewing, and the water that flows from Ellerbe into their brewing tanks. DU said, “I can drink to that!”. So if you love Ellerbe and a bonzer cleansing ale, bribe DU for your contestant today. Good on ya, and cheers!

Badonna (Acme Plumbing)

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Returning to stage and stream, 80s icon Badonna Beaver, is teaming up with water wizards, Acme Plumbing! Long-time BQP fans and voters will remember Badonna’s star turn on the meadow stage. As Acme knows, she still has the pipes and the stems to wow a crowd and attract those bribes – After all, she is a material beaver and like a beaver, she is judging for the very first time. Get into the groove and show her some appreciation to help your favorite contestant. Cause “only the one that gives her pennies makes her rainy day-ay”.

Sweaty Beaver (Bikram Yoga Durham)

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In the middle of teaching a hot yoga class, Sweaty Beaver received an important call from his guru, Bikram Gnawsalot. Bikram had just had a damming vision. Ellerbe Creek was in trouble and needed Sweaty Beaver’s help! Sweaty Beaver uses yoga to bring woodland creatures together. Tree Pose and Half Beaver Moon Pose are his personal favorites. Sweaty Beaver is at the peak of beaver health, making him a role model for beavers everywhere.

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