Posts Tagged ‘bad beaver’

The coveted Crown Jewels

Monday, May 31st, 2010

With the 6th Annual Beaver Queen Pageant approaching, there’s one thing on a lot of minds…  The Crown Jewels.

Yes, many a Beaver long to hold and caress the Beave Whisperer’s family jewels.  Soon, that dream will come true for one lucky (and talented) Beaver.

Spoils of Victory, Pageant Day, 2009

Much like the Stanley Cup, the Beaver Crown is exalted in the daily life of the Queen.  Babies are bathed in it, champagne is drunk from it, drum circles are formed around it.  Since last year’s Pageant, the Crown has seen a lot of action in Beave Whisperer’s hands…

Waking up with the Crown

Strictly Cristal around here

I wished for Bad Beaver's safe return home

Who’s Crown runneth over next?

Scarlett? Bullseye? 8 Second? Bambi? Natty Dready?

Stay tuned this Saturday to find out!

— Beave

The Tail of Bad Beaver

Friday, May 14th, 2010

Who's Bad?

One part mammal, one part outlaw, two parts legend: That’s Bad Beaver. Some say he hails all the way from Canada, where they made a nickel in his image. Others say he walked all the way from Maine to Oregon in search of the original beaver queen. Still others recall Bad Beaver on the Tail of Tears, back in ought-six when the NCDOT forced his entire lodge out of the wetlands. That’s when Bad Beaver renounced his given name of Castor and became an outlaw.
Bad Beaver recalls how his brothers and sisters gave their lives and their fur in the expansion of the American Frontier. “Why, a feller can’t tell the tail of Lewis & Clark, wagon trains or railroads without acknowledging us beavers and the sacrifices we made,” says Bad Beaver. “And what do we get for our contributions to history? We’re called ‘destructive,’ and ‘nuisance’ – the government tries to kill us in the name of ‘progress.’ And people laugh and make jokes about ‘wet beavers’ and ‘ shaved beavers’ . . . what does that even mean??!”
As an outlaw, Bad Beaver’s whereabouts are unknown, his movements mysterious. But wherever you find a healthy wetland, Bad Beaver is there. Whenever a new lodge is built, Bad Beaver is there. And whenever the NCDOT tries to eradicate nature’s most efficient engineers, you can bet your boots that Bad Beaver is there.

as told by Orange Sabrina