Posts Tagged ‘beaver’

The Dishonorable Judges 2011

Sunday, May 1st, 2011

Durham’s most corrupt group of judges in the wetlands are on the take this year.  They can easily be bought at the Board of Corruption.  The dirty money used to buy their seat will be laundered through Ellerbe Creek Watershed Association.  Help buy their seat on the bench at the Board of Corruption.

The Bench:

Chief Beaver Believer bought to you by Shelly Green, Durham Convention and Visitor Bureau.
Shelly Green, CEO DCVBA starry-eyed gal who rejoices in the differences represented in the community around her, Chief Beaver Believer makes her living encouraging the migration of other species to Durham (but promptly sends them home after relieving them of their money and sating them with a great cultural experience). She enjoys tipping back some branch water with a friend or two and scavenging around Durham with other omnivores to find the best grub. A fan of music, the arts and gardening at her home bordering the Eno River, she says her vote will go to the contestant with the most innovative plan to bring a little beauty into the world of Durham.

Justice Beiber bought to you by Carol Anderson, Vaguely Reminiscent is more than “vaguely reminiscent” of a loyal, progressive Durham Beaver, and not a bit like the teen heartthrob of a similar name. Independent and eager, she believes the best way to prevent erosion in and around the lodge is to make it fun (think flinging mud) and getting all the other beavers to join the party. Cutting her teeth as a progressive political activist, you can find her hanging around the election office using her extraordinary ability to influence and change her environment, as only beavers (and humans) can do. If you want this beaver’s vote, show her that you, too, believe community is the path to civilized society and that together we can create the best habitat in which to live. .

Mr. Sweet Meat bought to you by Brian Bottger, Only Burger. has the only meat beavers will eat. Mr Sweet Meat is known across the country for having the ONLY meat a beaver will eat. He gained this reputation by taking his truck around the state and gaining fans far and wide. Mr. Meat ONLY uses fresh ingredients in his meat and has been actively involved in making sure Beavers and all critters eat well. It’s not easy to entice a Beaver to eat meat; they usually ONLY eat hardwood but with the techniques taught to them by Mr. Sweet Meat, they have learned how to chomp down on a nice piece of meat and to enjoy it! Mr. Meat says, “Give me a beaver and one bite of my sweet meat will have them begging for more!”

Casbeav bought to you by Jana  Bradley, Casbah.  Casbeav is a mystical, magical beaver from the Ancient Orient, who – if found – will grant three wishes (if you rub her tail right). Usually found reveling at her local oasis.  Loves shiny things and pretty songs and is easily swayed by both.

Miss Beaverly Lodge bought to you by Jennings Brody, Parker & Otis, is well-known for her uber-cool, jazzed-up, laid-back, breezy lodge where all the attuned beavers in Durham like to hang and be seen. Industrious and eager, Miss BL makes a tasty and toothsome pimiento cheese sandwich which has earned acclaim from herbivores and journalists alike. When she is not out foraging for fresh local ingredients to tide her through the long winter, Miss BL can be found burrowing her way through the candy aisle and specialty brews, arranged in perfectly beaver engineered displays

Charles Gnawson Reilly bought to you by Sean Wilson, Fullsteam Brewery
Campier than a beaver compound, Charles Gnawson Reilly leads a large life…even bigger than his trademark glasses. He may be best known for his appearances on the popular TV game show “Gnawleywood Squares.”  He’s a friend to all beavers, but he hasn’t touched one since high school. And while many may think Charles Gnawson Reilly wakes up at the break of dawn with a scotch on the rocks-sure aging in an oak barrel is a beaver’s dream-he’s actually a craft beer kind of guy.

2010 Pageant Links

Saturday, July 24th, 2010

Your archive to the 2010 Beaver Queen Pageant.

Indies Art Award 2010

Thursday, July 22nd, 2010

“Since 1990, the Independent Weekly has recognized groups and individuals who make extraordinary contributions to the cultural life of the Triangle. The goal is to identify people who are working away from the spotlight, who are quietly organizing, educating, enlightening and, above all, entertaining. We look for grassroots endeavors, as well as arts professionals who go above and beyond their job requirements”    from the Independent Weekly

The Beaver Queen Pageant is honored to have received one of the 2010 Indies Arts Awards

Thanks to all the Beaver Lovers and Tree Huggers who make the magic happen.

Meet the 2010 Beaver Queen Contestants

Thursday, April 22nd, 2010

Yee Haw!!  The friendly revelry has started in the Bull City’s wetlands.   The contestants have taken the fun to the virtual worlds of facebook and twitter.   The banter comes to Main Street on Sunday,  May 2nd at West End Wine Bar @ 5:30 pm for the Kick off Party.  Be one of the first to meet the 2010 Beaver Queen Contestants.

No reason to wait until June 5th to stuff the box!  Vote early, vote often for your favorite contestants at the Board of Corruption.  Your dirty money helps Ellerbe Creek Watershed Association keep the beaver’s wetland clean.

8 Second Ride:  Out in the Wild Wild Wetlands  a good time only requires a sturdy mount from the Mustang Ranch and a little soft leather.   She likes a man who can shoot straight and with good control in the saddle.   She admits she has lost count of the number of gnawches on her belt.   

Save the wetlands, ride a beaver! 

Bambi the Ruffled Beaver:  The Dance Creek Girl came to the Wild Wild Wetlands to  seek her fortune as a mere kit and stayed to become the Brown Angel of the Creek. She studied days at the Miss Kitty Dance, Music and  Water Re-routing Academy , and graduated at the top of her class, earning the prestigious “Give a Dam” award from the human Jerry Mathers, himself.  BB then went on to design and build her own lodge where she performs and serves up the  finest  woodchips , creek water  and entertainment in the west.

If crowned, she will use her talents to spread the ideals of peace,love, and of course beaver!!!

Bullseye Beaver:  Bullseye Beaver hails from Durham County and learned to pick git-tar at his daddy beaver’s knee before he could even rope & ride. As soon as he was grown he lit out for the West where he found work in Beaverrace’s band in Las Vegas. After twenty years in the fast lane during which he fell prey to many of the temptations of show business, Bullseye got clean and longed to trade the dry Western plains for the cool streams and tall trees of home.


Dreaded Beaver:  The tale of Dreaded Beaver is one of over coming adversity.  While suffering through the years of drought here in the Piedmont her once luxurious pelt became matted and dull so to adapt she formed those knots into a pelt of beautiful dreadlocks for whichshe has come to be recognized by. Her goal now is to help all others, beaver and non beaver alike, to find their inner beauty and appriciate what makes them unique.

Scarlett O’Beavah:  After years of heartbreak and disappointment caused by The War of Northern Aggression, she fled her beloved land of Tara and decided to dedicate her life to Beaver Country. By becoming the most successful Madame in all the Wetlands, her Big Beaver Brothel (BBB) keeps her in an atmosphere in whichshe has long been accustomed.”My beavers have the cleanest wetlands in the South,” is her motto. And yes, she’s the best at birth’ in beavers too! 

If you are out herway,  do drop by for a cold beverage. Her beautiful beavers would be oh so happy to meet you!