Posts Tagged ‘Judges’

Meet the 2012 Board of Corruption Judges

Saturday, May 26th, 2012

Amy Eller
The Honorable Bumble Beever, bought to you by Amy Eller, Whole Foods Market Durham, is a beever who is passionate about pollination. You should see what she can do in a corn field! She’s spreading the message of love from her organic wetlands ranch here in Durham where she’s making sweet honey for her family, wild-harvesting exotic wood in an eco-friendly way, and swimming in harmony in a free-range eco system that is sustainable, loving and accepting of any and all wetland life. To really get Bumble Beever buzzing, just compliment her cooking, introduce her to a delicate flower ripe for pollination, or offer a loving helping hand to your neighbor and spread honey wherever you might fly.

Cherry Cherry Bang-Bang
Cherry Cherry Bang Bang DaBeava, bought to you by Vaguely Reminiscent comes to us from downstream. You may recognize her as last year’s People’s Choice winner when she revealed she is a girl with a little . . . something extra. Sweet pies are her specialty and her secret ingredient is twig and berries. You may see her around town (like she is today) traveling with her talented and elaborate friends Fischenta and Brother Morning wood and the Cherry Pops. Although she spent a few years as a fortune teller in the Good Wood traveling show, she remains mum on the subject of predicting this year’s winner. A girls gotta have her secrets.

Courtney James
Miss Beaver Dam Realty bought to you by Urban Durham Realty is a busy beaver who spends her time making sure that rodents of all shapes and sizes have a place to rest their heads at night. You’ll find it difficult sometimes to rein her in when she’s in her lodge-staging mode. Before you know it, she’ll have your beaver bungalow ready for HGTV. She is happily rooted in Durham with her husband and three kits. To her, selling Durham is like selling bark to a beaver. This eager beaver lives and breathes the Durham spirit and is looking for like-minded passion from the contestants.

Sean Lilly Wilson
Woot the Mullet, bought to you by Fullsteam Brewery, is the co-host of “Woot and The Beav’s Mornin’ Jam” on WORT-FM. He’s a wild and crazy guy – just ask him! Woot has interviewed celebrities worldwide: John Tesh, Michael Bolton and Cherie, one of the Triangle’s hottest Cher impersonators. He has memorized four jokes about beavers. And he doesn’t give a “dam” about honey badgers! When Woot’s not on the air, he’s probably busy cruisin’ in his Pontiac Fiero or rollerblading…or both! At the same time! One of these sentences is not true! Woot!

John Dalpe
Inky Dinky is bought to you by John Dalpe, Ink Waves Inc. Inky Dinky is a newer addition to the Durham Business Lodge. He loves to see friendly beavers enjoying themselves drinking locally made beverages of barley and hops especially when they are simultaneously burning tobacco in the shape of a log or letting it smolder in a pipe. He wrote this poem to assist you in your 2012 campaign for the Beaver Queen.

Listen my friends, and while you think
Read the signs that are printed with ink
Wave your hand and slap your tails
Fill the wetlands with water from pails

Many a beaver has tried and fallen
Hoping I’d like them, then left ballin’
It’s simple to me, and so you’ll see
My vote for beer, it’s the easiest fee

Michael Goodmon
The Great Beav-bino bought to you by Michael Goodmon. Whether he’s rounding the bases at American Tobacco or Hitting it over the fence in Dam-ond View III, The Great Beav-bino and his team are playing for their Beaver Community. Off season, the Great Beav-bino enjoys taking in a show or two downtown and cheering on the Beav Devils.

Lee Ann Tilley
Korky Flapper bought to you by Acme Plumbing is your first defense in wetland hygiene. Sometimes the only thing between you and a dirty wetland is korky’s rubber parts. Korky has quite a few rubber options to do the job. There’s the classic and universal for you old school types. But Korky’s G-Max ensures Miss Hygeniality doesn’t issue you a citation.

Press Release

Friday, May 6th, 2011


Read All About it!!!!

The Dishonorable Judges 2011

Sunday, May 1st, 2011

Durham’s most corrupt group of judges in the wetlands are on the take this year.  They can easily be bought at the Board of Corruption.  The dirty money used to buy their seat will be laundered through Ellerbe Creek Watershed Association.  Help buy their seat on the bench at the Board of Corruption.

The Bench:

Chief Beaver Believer bought to you by Shelly Green, Durham Convention and Visitor Bureau.
Shelly Green, CEO DCVBA starry-eyed gal who rejoices in the differences represented in the community around her, Chief Beaver Believer makes her living encouraging the migration of other species to Durham (but promptly sends them home after relieving them of their money and sating them with a great cultural experience). She enjoys tipping back some branch water with a friend or two and scavenging around Durham with other omnivores to find the best grub. A fan of music, the arts and gardening at her home bordering the Eno River, she says her vote will go to the contestant with the most innovative plan to bring a little beauty into the world of Durham.

Justice Beiber bought to you by Carol Anderson, Vaguely Reminiscent is more than “vaguely reminiscent” of a loyal, progressive Durham Beaver, and not a bit like the teen heartthrob of a similar name. Independent and eager, she believes the best way to prevent erosion in and around the lodge is to make it fun (think flinging mud) and getting all the other beavers to join the party. Cutting her teeth as a progressive political activist, you can find her hanging around the election office using her extraordinary ability to influence and change her environment, as only beavers (and humans) can do. If you want this beaver’s vote, show her that you, too, believe community is the path to civilized society and that together we can create the best habitat in which to live. .

Mr. Sweet Meat bought to you by Brian Bottger, Only Burger. has the only meat beavers will eat. Mr Sweet Meat is known across the country for having the ONLY meat a beaver will eat. He gained this reputation by taking his truck around the state and gaining fans far and wide. Mr. Meat ONLY uses fresh ingredients in his meat and has been actively involved in making sure Beavers and all critters eat well. It’s not easy to entice a Beaver to eat meat; they usually ONLY eat hardwood but with the techniques taught to them by Mr. Sweet Meat, they have learned how to chomp down on a nice piece of meat and to enjoy it! Mr. Meat says, “Give me a beaver and one bite of my sweet meat will have them begging for more!”

Casbeav bought to you by Jana  Bradley, Casbah.  Casbeav is a mystical, magical beaver from the Ancient Orient, who – if found – will grant three wishes (if you rub her tail right). Usually found reveling at her local oasis.  Loves shiny things and pretty songs and is easily swayed by both.

Miss Beaverly Lodge bought to you by Jennings Brody, Parker & Otis, is well-known for her uber-cool, jazzed-up, laid-back, breezy lodge where all the attuned beavers in Durham like to hang and be seen. Industrious and eager, Miss BL makes a tasty and toothsome pimiento cheese sandwich which has earned acclaim from herbivores and journalists alike. When she is not out foraging for fresh local ingredients to tide her through the long winter, Miss BL can be found burrowing her way through the candy aisle and specialty brews, arranged in perfectly beaver engineered displays

Charles Gnawson Reilly bought to you by Sean Wilson, Fullsteam Brewery
Campier than a beaver compound, Charles Gnawson Reilly leads a large life…even bigger than his trademark glasses. He may be best known for his appearances on the popular TV game show “Gnawleywood Squares.”  He’s a friend to all beavers, but he hasn’t touched one since high school. And while many may think Charles Gnawson Reilly wakes up at the break of dawn with a scotch on the rocks-sure aging in an oak barrel is a beaver’s dream-he’s actually a craft beer kind of guy.

Judge Matrix

Monday, May 24th, 2010
The Tail Does Matter
On June 5, 2010 there will be many beautiful tails in the meadow.  The tails are to be admired, revered, noticed.  Only touch a tail if asked and given permission; otherwise you may receive a tail slap.

Beaverella-Future Tail

not really judging–just observing & scoring

Seven corrupt Durham celebrity judges will score the contestants on the quality of their tail, wetland ready wear, talent and evening wear/stage presence.  Please feel free to help pay for a judge’s seat on the bench at the Board of Corruption.  The contestants will be given a question in which they must answer and they may or may not include World Peace in the response.
The wetland ready wear and tail segments will be combined on the matix this year.  The beaver tails worn by contestants represent the inner beaver they have embraced.  The audience is highly encouraged to wear their own iconic tail.